My New Year’s Resolution: Teach Compassion to Children

The theme of the last few posts to Trauma & Children has focused on the subject of bullying. While the need to address and confront the endemic nature of bullying among children and teens and throughout society is critical, it is also important that we all begin to help our young clients to learn the value and practice of compassion. Compassion is defined as the quality of understanding and empathy for the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it. In many ways, it’s a longer-term and possibly more long-lasting solution to the violent and abusive nature of bullies and bullying.

Many of you who read this blog work with children and adolescents who are challenged daily by the impact of traumatic events including chronic abuse and neglect, foster care, divorce, poverty and homelessness, and loss of a loved one. Despite these challenges, all children are also born with a helpful, altruistic nature according to researcher and developmental psychologist Michael Tomasello of Stanford University. Tomasello studies the behavior of young children ages 12 months to two years and compares their behaviors to that of apes in similar experimental situations. Remarkably, he has been able to demonstrate that even the youngest children have a natural tendency toward cooperation and to helping others. In contrast, Tomasello found that chimpanzees tend to act in ways that increase their own personal again.

Unfortunately, as children get older, the impact of other people and environment begin to take hold and behavior may become less altruistic. But with positive guidance and encouragement, children can learn compassion for others and how to engage in a life directed toward selflessness. While not everyone agrees with Tomasello’s findings, his work brings to light the possibility that encouraging altruism in children can have wide-ranging affects not only on their relationships with others, but also for society in general.

In response to the growing need to facilitate altruism in children, the American Psychological Association (APA) offers these suggestions for developing compassion:

• Give children books that promote compassionate behavior. Look for books about ordinary characters who perform acts of caring and concern (for advice on specific books, contact the Self-Esteem Shop for recommendations).
• It is widely accepted that children tend to imitate behavior they see on television. Advise parents or caretakers to limit children’s viewing of violent programs and encourage them to watch shows demonstrate caring and helping.
• Discuss the content of television programs and movies with children. Ask them to think about what they saw and to consider other approaches the characters might have taken.
• Find out who children admire and why; again, books and movies that highlight altruistic, compassionate individuals are helpful resources. Expose children to the stories about people such as the Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King who are known for their compassion and altruistic values.
• Get children involved in community activities where they can volunteer to help others. Don’t underestimate that children who are challenged by their own emotional distress; they can learn to help others through simple ways such as making crafts to give to others or participating in a charitable activity like a food drive at a church or other organization. With your support, helping these children develop compassion can be a turning point for the development of resilience and reduction of trauma reactions.

In light of the problem of bullying and its impact on children’s lives, teaching compassion may be more relevant than ever. If you work with children, you may be one of their most important role models, sometimes even more important than parents or caretakers who may be overwhelmed or unavailable. If we try to live our lives as examples of altruism, we might be able to demonstrate to the children we encounter that all people should be treated with respect and dignity. In doing so, we also might be able to make a difference in a child’s life through modeling compassion–and that’s my New Year’s resolution for 2011.

Be well,

Cathy Malchiodi, PhD, LPAT, LPCC
References

Tomasello, M. (2009). Why we cooperate. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press.

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